Thursday, June 30, 2005

Things I love about Thailand

1. the spicy food
2. how cheap everything is
3. buying contacts or prescription drugs over the counter
4. paying 120 baht or 3 dollars to see a movie
5. national pride every morning/evening and even before a movie
6. Wai Krue- a day to pay respect to teachers
7. organized chaos
8. paying 300 baht or about 7 dollars for a 2 hour massage
9. the people
10. the juxtaposition of old siam with new bangkok
11. knowing enough thai to get around and know when people are talking about me
12. taking 3 modes of transportation to get to one place: walking, skytrain, boat
13. tuk-tuks
14. crazy taxi drivers who fall in love with the C.T.
15. seeing my thai friend walk into one random restaurant in one of the biggest cities in the world reminding you that it is, indeed, a small world

note: please check back to this list as it will most likely be continued...

ghosts from the past

One of the weirdest feelings you can have is having someone from your past walk in like they were never really gone. It unsettles you, especially when you aren't expecting it. I know the feeling. Only this time, I am the ghost from the past.
Today I am visiting the school in Bangkok where I taught for two years. Like so many things in Thailand, it seems the same except when I really look and I easily find the changes. I arrived at school via skytrain, then motorcycle taxi. A quick aside about the motorcycle ride: I forgot just how scary those things are. First of all, I was in a skirt so I had to ride side sadle. Gripping the back bar for dear life, I braced myself as the taxi driver weaved in and out of traffic making his way the front when at red lights, then speeding off at green lights. Considering I am writing this blog, I made it safely. But I don't plan on doing that again.
Once at the school, I easily flashed my expired school badge and walked right on in. Since I'm one to avoid specifics, I won't say too much about the school. But it is a very prestigious school in Bangkok, meaning one would expect the security to be a little bit tighter. As I approached the teachers I once worked with, I noticed the look of recognition then surprise at seeing me there. Among the students, the looks seemed to be confusion followed by recognition. Then, almost reluctantly, they seemed excited to see me again. Slowly students have begun to approach me and ask my name, unsure if it really was me. A ghost. A teacher they once had.
For me, the experience has been nearly as unsettling. A friend that I taught with in Thailand has the word 'surreal' tatooed on her back. Being back in Bangkok and at the school, I suddenly have a very real, clear understanding of the word.
As the plane was landing, I began to hear a line from a song playing in my head. "It feels like home to me. Feels like I'm right back where I belong." But as I've been visiting all the places that were once so very familiar to me, I've begun to wonder if the saying that you can never really go home might actually be more true.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

An example of why American isn't always better

For the first time, I flew an American carrier to Asia. Here are some differences I noticed in contrast to Asian carriers:
-they serve fewer meals (which is fine because I wasn't very hungry thanks to the delicious chicken bisquit I had on the way to the airport)
-they only give you a hot towel once
-the drink service is less frequent and the alcoholic drinks are not free of charge
-all dinner utensils are plastic
I only flew the American plane to Tokyo. Then I switched to an Asian plane. I made sure I ordered a FREE bottle of wine with my dinner. And I would have used the real spoon and fork if I hadn't opted for the chopsticks instead.
Of course, in the end, it doesn't matter how wonderful the plane and attendants are. 22 hours is just too long to spend cramped in an airplane seat. Luckily I managed to sleep most of the way. Thank goodness I had deprived myself of sleep prior to boarding.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

leaving on a jet plane

I love to travel. In fact, the only reason I work is so that I can afford to travel. Last night I was told I suffer from wander-lust. Yes, it is true. This is why I have 4 trips in 3 months. I leave on Monday for Thailand.

It has been two years since I've been in Thailand. I can't wait to go back! I know the minute I get off the plane, it will feel like I had never left. After living there for two years, I still think of Bangkok as home. I've been practicing my Thai (mostly in my head) in an effort to be prepared. I have a friend who is joining me there on Thursday. I almost feel a little bit sorry for her. She's pretty much going to be dragged all around while I show her everything that is exciting to me, but probably won't so much be to her.You know... "and this is where I used to buy my fruit, and this is where I would work-out, and this is where I saw a funny looking dog..." That sort of thing.
Mostly I can't wait to go back to all my favorite restaurants and bars. I don't have much of an agenda while I'm in Bangkok, but the plans I have made (in my head) all revolve around drinking and eating. The food there is so good. And so cheap. I've budgeted $10 a day for food, but I'm pretty sure that is overestimating. Now while I was living in Thailand, it didn't seem cheap to pay 200 baht for a meal. But now that I'm using US dollars, I think I can afford $5 for a meal that would easily cost $10 stateside.

I'll be gone for three weeks. One week in Thailand, a few days in Cambodia, and the last week in Vietnam. I'm looking forward to Vietnam. I didn't make it there two years ago due to SARS. When I get back with my fantastic tan, it will be due to the fact that I am spending several days just laying out on a Vietnamese beach. (I really do like to write blogs to make people jealous...)

Hopefully, I'll be able to post a few blogs of my adventures in SE Asia while I'm there. If not, perhaps I should put a few blogs in the queue so that I won't get yelled at by suburban jesus while I'm gone. Then I can easily post without wasting my time actually writing. Because at 50 cents an hour, I'm pretty sure I can afford internet access. It's the hour of time I'm not sure I can afford.

Friday, June 24, 2005

What was I going to say?

Sometimes I'll be suddenly struck with a brilliant thought that I want to post on my blog. When this happens, I try to write it down so I won't forget. Because if I don't write it down, chances are it won't make it on the blog.
Case in point: Last night I was hanging out at the Marrieds' house for Jazz Not Under the Stars. We were have a conversation about something very interesting, and I replied, "I think I should blog more of my thoughts about this topic."
And now I have no idea it was.
But trust me, it was brilliant.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

when life comes full circle

Just a year ago, I was told by friends that I had never seemed happier. Since that time, many of those same people commented that they have never seen me so miserable. It is interesting the way life seems to be so cyclical.
I've learned a lot about myself since last year. I'm not saying I'm glad I had to struggle through the bad times. Trust me, it really sucked. But I like to think that the experience shaped me and prepared me to be the confident, independent person I am today.
I guess the truth is that I am happy. It feels like a bold statement to make, but it is true. And while I know it might not last, I'm going to enjoy this feeling. Because even though I might have seemed happy last year, it was nothing compared to how I feel now.

bowls of cereal

It doesn't often happen, but sometimes you get a perfect bowl of cereal. One in which the cereal to milk ratio is just right. There is enough milk in the bowl so that that the cereal isn't dry. But not so much that it become a big, soggy mush. And at the end of the bowl, there isn't a pool of milk remaining that makes you believe you need to fill the bowl with more cereal. There is just enough milk left to let you know it was a perfect bowl of cereal.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Is marriage obsolete?

Yesterday while waiting in a doctor's office, I read an article in Newsweek titled, "What's Love Got to Do With It? Everything." Here is a clip from the article:
For the true commitment-phobe, living among the Na people in southwestern China would be paradise. The Na are the only known society that completely shuns marriage. Instead, says Stephanie Coontz in her new book, "Marriage, a History," brothers help sisters raise the children they conceive through casual sex with non-family members (incest is strictly taboo). Will we all be like the Na in the future? With divorce and illegitimacy rates still high, the institution of marriage seems headed for obsolescence in much of the world.

This morning I decided to research more about Stephanie Coontz and her theory. In an interview with City Pages, she explains her research about how our recently new idea of marrying for love is effectively changing the institution of marriage. In fact, in the interview she goes so far as to say that, yes, James Dobson is right when he says marriage and family as we have known it for the last 5,000 years has been overturned. But she disagrees with Dobson's claim that it same-sex marriages that are the reason. According to Coontz, it was the shift in our reasons to marry that has changed the face of marriages. No longer are we marrying for procreation, property, social status, forming alliances or making peace treating. The combination of choosing to marry for love with the social and political shifts in the last 50 years (such as birth control pills and women in the workforce) has created a new face of marriage.

All this research was disturbing to me. I will admit, I like the changes and the direction we are going. I don't want to go back to the days of being economically dependent on a man. Or being a bargaining tool so that my family gets more property. But with research that paints such a negative view of marriage, why are we marrying at all?

Coontz says, "in the last 20 years, of course, our expectations [of marriage] have grown much higher. The result is that many marriages are happier than many couples I studied in the past would ever have dared to dream. But the very things that make marriage more intimate and more flexible have also made it more optional. And they've made people less willing to put up with a marriage that doesn't meet those aspirations."

I guess my hope for marriage stems from my own experience. Two years ago my grandparents celebrated their 50th anniversary. This August, my parents will mark 30 years of marriage. And yesterday, while leaving Barnes and Noble, I saw a cute, married, old couple walking hand in hand to their car. (Where he proceeded to open the door for her.) I'm in no way impliying that I think marriage is this idealistic. But I'm not ready to pronounce it dead, either.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

nightswimming

While the REM song is good, the actual activity just might be better.

Just a month ago, I had to dive into the water that still seemed cold even in the afternoon. So last night, I was pleasantly surprised as I walked down the steps into the water finding the temperature to be just right. I love the way a swimming pool looks at night with the light on.

And then I began to swim. Methodically swimming laps back and forth across the pool.

I love summer nights.

Monday, June 20, 2005

I'm in love

This past weekend I went to visit New York City. Why? Well, apart from the fact that it is a very cool city, I went because I will be moving there at the end of the sumer. That's right. My very prestigious grad school is in New York.
Here are some reasons why I 'heart' NY:
1. Soho, Greenwhich Village, Tribeca, Chinatown, Upper West Side, etc...
-each of these places is like visiting a new city
2. Central Park
-it is just a great place to go and hang out (and perhaps enjoy a bottle of wine)
3. Transportation
-riding the subway is fast, efficient and a great place to people watch
4. Walking
-it not only gets me to the places I want to be, but it is also great exercise
5. Sidewalk cafes
-this one really needs no explanation; sidewalk cafes are simply cool
6. Boutiques
-even though I normally don't like shopping, it is fun finding a great buy that might even allow you to look original
7. Cultural
-museums, Broadway shows, music in the park, film festivals; there is always something to do
8. Nightlife
-it is called the city that never sleeps
9. Roadtrips
-leaving the City could actually mean leaving the state
10. IT'S NEW YORK CITY
-there is just something exciting and interesting about being NewYorkCam

Thursday, June 16, 2005

when life becomes automatic

As a receptionist at the fancy law office I am very busy. And important.
One thing I have noticed about the fancy law office is that even the bathrooms here are fancy. They are equiped with automatic flushing toilets, automatic soap dispensers, automatic sinks, and- paper towels. What? Not only is there no automatic paper towel dispenser or automatic hand dryer, but they hid the paper towels up under the mirrors. So there you are going along having everything happen for you, when suddenly you have to snap back to attention and search and grab a paper towel to dry your hands.
If I wasn't so busy (and important), I would write a letter to management to complain.

cam confession #9

I sometimes make judgements of others based on name associations or common characteristics.
I'm sure we've all done this at one time or another. My parents did it when they were naming me after I was born. Originally they wanted to name me Stacy. Then my mom had a doctor named Dr. Stacy whom she didn't like at all. Out went the name choice Stacy. (It's too bad, then I could have been 'i am sam'. Of course, after Sean Penn's movie, that doesn't sound very original.)
So maybe this is something I inherited. There are certain names I don't like very much due to the associations I have with individuals. For example, I had a trouble-maker student named Austin who caused a lot of my stress this past year. If I ever have a son, I can guarantee I won't be naming him Austin.
I was talking with some friends last night at $1 pint night. I knew they read my blog, and so I began explaining this not-yet-posted confession to them. When I hear certain names, it triggers an emotion. It might be happiness, sadness, anger, hurt, bitterness, disappointment, jealousy, grief. (I realize most of my adjectives are negative, but I couldn't think of anymore positive ones that didn't come across as cheesy.) This is the confession part- When I feel these emotions, I sometimes project them onto the individual based simply on the name association. I have to modify my opinions and emotional reactions to the new person as I get to know them.
I worry about my own name and the associations linked when people meet me. There was a girl who named C who stole money from her job. My thought was, "She is giving us a bad name." Most likely the people who worked with C have a negative reaction when they hear my name. Luckily when they see how wonderful I am they create a new, positive association with my name.
Think about it. What names, when you hear them, trigger an emotion? Maybe they make you smile. Or perhaps you cringe. But I think most of us experience this to some degree.
And no, I'm not saying I judge people unfairly because of their name. I adjust my opinions based on the individual not the name.
Besides, I only judge people according to which beer they order...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

thoughts on being single...

I am alone.
Do not read this incorrectly. I am not saying that I'm lonely. Just that I am single. This fact was quite noticible this last week on the cruise. Our crusing group was Mom/Dad and Sis/Boyfriend. And me. At dinner our table was set for 6. It was a stark reminder that I was alone. Not part of a couple. Just me.
All of a sudden, it seems as if all my single friends are no longer single. I am very happy to see my closest friends become part of a couple. Sure, I get a little less of their time. But luckily I have friends who don't act annoying when they are in the couple in a larger group. There might be hand-holding, but nothing to the point of making me feel like I don't belong. Definitely none of that honey-bunny, lovey-dovey crap. Even when I was traveling with two couples on the cruise, I never felt like I didn't belong. Though I did have to endure a little of the petnames.
I want a relationship.
Do not misread this sentiment. Of course I want a relationship. I love the idea of having someone to experience new things with me. Someone to connect with on an emotional, physical and romantic level. But the key word in my sentence is want. I don't need a relationship to be happy. I'm not just sitting around waiting until I have someone to join me on adventures. I'm independent, and I don't need a relationship to enjoy life. However, in the past I've learned that sometimes it is nice to have someone to share my experiences with- whether in the moment or later as a story.
There is freedom being single.
As I've observed the relationships of my friends, I've become more aware of the positive aspects of being single. First of all, my time is my own. I can give me time to anyone at anytime. I'm not by any means suggesting that my friends who are dating someone give all their time to that person. But the truth is, if you want a relationship to continue, then you do have to give some time and energy to that person. Isn't that what dating is all about?
I also noticed that I have fewer responsibilities. When dating someone, we have to acknowledge that what we do or say might not only affect us but also the other person. For example, on the cruise there was a man who was hitting on both Sis and me. Considering he was considerably older, we both faces some of the same consequences had we encouraged or acted upon his flirtations- namely the wrath of our father. Had I decided to throw caution to the wind (and ignore the creepiness of the situation) and have a fling with this man, apart from the disapproval of most everyone I know, my choice would have only affected me. However, Sis would also have been hurting Boyfriend, their relationship, his trust, etc.
Throughout the cruise I noticed that Sis and Boyfriend participated in nearly activity together. Which was fine. Whenever they decided to do something on their own, they first let the other one know. But I enjoyed being able to do my own thing, without feeling I need to let anyone know where I was going or what I was doing. And on most nights, I chose to go to the casino where I was free to flirt with the cute casino dealer.
I am happy as a singleton.

cam non-confession

I spent most of time this morning at the fancy law office writing a cam confession. I haven't posted it. I'm not sure if I will.
One of the things I have tried to do is create some sort of anonymity. I write about aspects of my life without making the details to personal. Sometimes this has been very tricky. I also have felt certain degrees of responsibility to the people in my life who intersect with my writings. I know that most of the people who read my blog are my friends and familiy. And many of them know each other. So when I begin to put specifics, it not only tells my own story, but it often includes the story of others.
In the saved draft of my cam confession, I write about name association. I think most of us might experience this idea. We hear a name and we place a face, personality, experience with the name. This can be positive or negative. I have a good friend who doesn't like when other people who share her name give her name a bad reputation.
Why do I write about this at all? I don't know. Maybe because I've been requested to blog more. Apparently my cam fan prefers quantity over quality.
Or maybe I write all this because I recently met a guy who shared the name of several guys from my past. I'm not just talking about the random guys I used to know. I've had two relationships that had a significant impact on my life. And both guys had the same name. Now whenever I meet someone new with the same name, it seems only natural that I would refer back to my previous associations with the name. And I wonder if I'll discover any uncanny similarities these individuals will share beyond just the name.

very busy and important

Once again I have resumed my role as a receptionist at the very fancy law office. Dressed in a fantastic, 'sex and the city' outfit, I am ready to play the part. My job consists of answering phones, making coffee, emailing friends, writing blogs, researching on the internet, and generally making sure the world doesn't fall apart.
As you can see, I am very busy. And important.

Monday, June 13, 2005

another vacation

This past week I went on a cruise with my family to celebrate my parents' 30th anniversary. At 50 cents a minute for internet on the ship, I decided to make notes on paper until I got back on land.
Early Sunday morning, Mom, Dad, Sis, Boyfriend (of Sis) and I filled the back of a truck with too much luggage and drove to the coast. By noon, we were on the ship and ready for a week of sun, fun and whatever. Here is an overview of my week...
Mornings: Not wanting to waste the day I tried to wake up sometime in the 9 o'clock hour. I usually headed to find some coffee and breakfast. Then I tried to do some sort of exercise. Most of the time it meant walking around the upper deck of the cruise ship. Trust me, it is more challenging than one might think. First you faced the wind as you approached the front of the ship, then prayed you wouldn't be blown off the ship as the wind lifted your feet rounding back around towards the back. So round and round I went, surrounded by the sea, praying I wouldn't be blown off the top deck.
Days: With exercise out of the way, I was free to spend the rest of the morning and afternoon laying out by the pool. This was the time when we would order buckets of beer, try out the 'yummy, yummy' drinks of the day, and at some point get some lunch.
Evenings: After showering off the suntan lotion of the day, I'd begin dressing for the evening. There is some sort of antiquity that accompanies the dining aspects on a cruise ship. You don't just show up in jeans and t-shirts. No, you dress for dinner. And then you gamble. At least that's what my family did. Once in a while we'd go to a show, but most evenings we'd hit the blackjack table before the dining room table. And after our 5 course meal? Back to the casino, of course. Where I'd stay until the wee hours, then I'd head for bed looking forward to starting over again the next day.

Wired for Blogging

Today I have lots of time for blogging.

My head is currently covered with wires that lead down to what is a surprisingly very heavy, black box monitoring the activities going on in my head. Due to a history of passing out, it has finally been decided that I need to undergo some tests. So for the next 24 hours, the doctor is conducting an EEG. Since I'm not exactly looking my best, I've decided not to go out until the morning. I've covered my head with a scarf in attempts to not scare myself or my family. But apparently, it is freaking out the dog. The Weird Little Dog has been afraid to come near me and has been making very funny noises. I'm wondering if she can hear something going on in the black box.

So until tomorrow's de-wiring, I'll just be hanging out at home. While I'm not supposed to chew gum, use an electric toothbrush or vaccum, I can use my computer. So I see lots of blogging in the near future. Wait for it.

Friday, June 03, 2005

more thoughts on soul-mates

I was discussing my previous blog with a good friend. She raised some important questions that I wasn't prepared to answer. She asked if I thought it was okay for men and women to share emotional intimacy with somene of the opposite sex after marriage. I asked what the difference was between an emotional connection and emotional intimacy. Because I can't say that I'm willing to end a friendship with a guy that has emotional attachments just because one of us gets married to someone else.
I was reminded of this issue being raised after the movie, Lost in Translation, was released. I was led to believe that the two main characters, Bob and Charlotte, shared an emotional connection that indicated there was a possibility they were soul-mates. But both were married. So was it an emotional affair? Or is it possible they were soul-mates who were never meant to marry? But simply to be there at that time, at that place in order to better understand themselves?
Maybe the problem is that we don't all share a common definition for the idea of soul-mate. I think our culture has tried to define it through all the romantic movies Hollywood has produced. Movies such as Serendipity or Sweet Home Alabama. I remember watching the movie, Forces of Nature, and appreciating the fact that it didn't give in to the conventional storybook ending. Maybe the two characters did share an emotional connection. Maybe I'd go so far as to say they could have been soul-mates. But was it enough to start a relationship? To end an engagement? No. Because in the end, I believe that who we love and who we marry is a decision. Not an emotion or a feeling. Like I said in my previous post, I don't think this idea of soul-mates should have limitations or restrictions. I'm reminded of lyrics from a Ben Folds' song, "The Luckiest."
what if i'd been born
fifty years before you
in a house
on the street where you live
maybe i'd be outside
as you passed by on your bike
would i know?
in a wide sea of eyes
see one pair that i recognize
and i know
that i am, i am
i am the luckiest
I might be wrong, but it seems to me that this verse suggests that while we might find our soul-mate at a convenient time in a convenient place, maybe we won't. Maybe we'll still find that connection across age, experience, situations.
I'm not necessarily looking for an answer. Sometimes I just like to ask lots of questions. And if I stir up a little bit of conversation and controversy in the process, all the better.

Note: Please do not pass any judgements on any of the movies mentioned in my argument. While I appreciate quality movies, I do enjoy the occasional romantic-comedy.

cam confession #8

I have based my theory on soul-mates completely on Dawson's Creek.
I've had a number of conversations around this whole idea of soul-mates. There is a common belief that you should marry your soul-mate. Here is my problem with that idea:
1. It implies that there is only one person we are supposed to marry. There is already enough risk and worry that accompanies marriage. I'd rather not add to it the anxiety that maybe the person I'm marrying isn't the one.
2. If so many people believe they are marrying their soul-mate, then why is the divorce rate so high? It seems to me that if you marry the person who best understands you and with whom you have the great, deep, spiritual connection, then you should be able to make the marriage work.
So here is my argument:
1. I think it is possible that we do have soul-mates, but perhaps not just one.
2. I don't think we necessarily have to marry our soul-mate. If we do, lucky us.
The entire theme of Dawson's Creek was that Dawson and Joey were soul-mates. So in the end, why did Joey end up with Pacey? Because they were good for each other. And because you don't have to marry your soul-mate. Another example is Jack and Jen. The show also revealed that they were soul-mates. However, Jack was gay. So Jen was never going to end up marrying her soul-mate.
If I'm going to accept this idea of soul-mates, I don't want to place limitation or boundaries. Isn't it possible our soul-mate could be the same idea as a best friend? Does our soul-mate even have to be of the opposite sex? Maybe the idea of soul-mates is much like what Anne of Green Gables called "kindred spirits". I like to think so.

naked

Today I went out to run some errands. While I was out, I discovered that I had left my cell phone at home. I checked and double-checked in my purse to make sure it wasn't there. Then I wondered if I should go back for it.
Why did I feel so incomplete without my phone? For years I protested cell phones. I never had one in high school or even college. I think I had some philosophical reason for refusing to buy a cell phone, but I can't remember what it was. All I know is that I didn't get one until I moved to Thailand. That's right. Here is what I love about mobile phones, as they are called in Thailand- it doesn't cost you anything to receive a call. Everyone in Thailand seemed to have a mobile phone because it was cheaper than using land lines. Whether riding the skytrain, eating at a restaurant or teaching at school, I was likely to hear a mobile phone ringing. And since I was one who believed in embracing my new culture, I broke down and bought a mobile phone. Though I actually held out my first year. It took me nearly as long to appreciate the concept of the mobile phone as it did to appreciate the traditional Thai lemongrass soup, Tom Yung Khung. But once I embraced the mobile phone, I quickly learned to love it. I was able to be one of the many receiving or making calls while riding the skytrain, eating at a restaurant or teaching at school. My parents were able to call me even as I was standing on the beach of a Thai island.
When I moved back to the United States I had grown accustomed to the advantages of the cell phone. Long forgottten were my arguments against being in constant connection via phone. To the point that now, when I forget my phone at home, it is almost as if I have forgotten something as important as, say, my pants.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

What I LOVE about summer:

These are listed in no particular order. But I did manage to come up with a top 10 list (because I love lists)...
1. No more work. As a teacher, I love having my summers off. But this summer it is even better because I know that I won't be going back in August.
2. Lots of traveling. This summer I am doing lots of traveling. I like to justify it by saying that I need to do it this summer because for the next two years I won't have the time or the money.
3. Lot of time. Since last August I've been complaining that I don't have any time. My complaining drastically increased in May. But that is over. I now have lots of time (except for when I'm on one of my many trips). I have time to read, to exercise, to blog, to do nothing at all.
4. A great tan. I got a jump start on my tan this year when I went to Cancun. This past weekend I was at the lake. And next week, I'll be on a cruise. I'll be very tan by the middle of June. By the end of July, my (very beautiful) pale friends won't even be sitting by me.
5. Outdoor patio time. While winter didn't deter us from the weekly Two Rows gathering, it did force us inside. But now the time has come, for us to begin taking over table on the patio once again. I just can't wait for them to bring back the light Hefeweizen beer.
6. Jazz Under the Stars. On Thursday evenings, I will be at the Downtown Museum of Art, sitting on their lawn, listening to live jazz music, while drinking wine with friends. It is one of the highlights of my summer. Last week we realized we needed a little more organization. I've since acquired a real picnic basket and coordinated our theme for this week- Greek food.
7. Warm weather. Admittedly, at times it is just plain hot. But I prefer this to cold weather any day. No need to point out that I will soon be moving to the Northeast. I am already worried about how I'll survive the cold weather up there.
8. Carefree attitude. I have very few things that actually have to be done on any given day. I woke up at 8:30 this morning, but I could have slept longer if I wanted. Last night I went to Cafe Brazil and realized it didn't matter if I got decaf coffee because I didn't need to go to sleep early. And tonight when I go to Two Rows, I won't have a responsibility to leave by 10:00 because I won't be going to teach small children in the morning.
9. Rest. For many months, I have often answered that I am exhausted when asked "How are you?". My weekend at the lake not only involved boating and drinking beer, but also lots of sleeping. For the first time since September, I actually feel rested.
10. Visiting. Being from the south, I have a strong attachment to the idea of visiting- intentionally getting together with friends. I have a lot of great memories of spending time with people last summer. Simply being together and talking. Or not talking. But just enjoying each other's company. Sometimes it was a group of people, other times just me and one friend. But for some reason, summer just seems to be a great time to form these connections.

cutting ties without burning bridges

Just recently I realized that I do not want to have any new reasons to stay here. I have plenty of reasons for coming back. But when the time comes for me to pack my bags and move away, I don't want to worry that I am making the wrong choice. I don't want to make any choice at all. It has already been made. I am going away for grad school. I guess I just don't want the leaving to be any harder than it has to be. I am very excited about my move. And I know that I have made the right decision. However, I have already begun to realize all the things I will miss out on while I am away. My friends plan parties and activites they'll do in the fall. They joke that I can fly back for it all, but I know that I can't. And so, I am avoiding anything and anyone that might give me reasons to doubt my decision. Because leaving means saying good-bye. But at the same time, I know that I can walk right back into the lives of the people and community I love. I won't let anyone be my reason for staying, but there will be plenty of people who are my reasons for coming back. At least at holidays...