breaking the (work) boundaries

Usually I'm pretty good about setting boundaries (at least on a professional level.) Work should be a 9am-5pm affair. Sure, there are the occasional times when it is necessary to work through lunch or stay late. But in my opinion, these should be the exception, not the rule. I most especially hold to the 5pm rule on Fridays when I am headed to happy hour. I want nothing more than to relax and begin my weekend.
This past week lots of boundaries were broken at work. I took on a project that wasn't mine. I stayed late on Thursday, working through lunch. I got there early on Friday,working well past the designated happy hour time. Then I checked work email on Saturday. Big mistake. I then found myself wrapped up in and the root cause of a drama-filled, work-related weekend. I talked to several of my co-workers on multiple occasions. Not only was I breaking my boundaries, but I was breaking theirs too.
The weekend wasn't quite as relaxing as I had hoped it would be. Like the two previous weekends, it was filled with some drama. Too bad it was all related to work.
In the end, it wasn't all that bad. I realized just how lucky I am. I've got amazing co-workers. They were there to support me. When I said I was going to go in on Sunday, each of them said they would go with me. Of course, I would do the same for any of them.
In the end, we didn't go in today. Well, one of them did. And that's my fault. I'm publicly apologizing to you here. Again. (I think I inadvertently escalated the work drama...)
I don't know what tomorrow will be like, all I know is that I am looking forward to facing it with some of the best people I've ever had the pleasure to call co-workers and friends.

drama diversion

I don't know about you, but when I'm stressed out about my own life other dramas offer an escape. Whether it's my co-worker's brother's real-life drama or the Grey's Anatomy drama, all I know is that afterwards I feel a little bit better about my own stress and drama.
Oh, wine helps, too.

controversial monday in the city

One advantage of working for an affiliate of a very prestigious university is the access it affords you. Yesterday, the Columbia University campus was closed to anyone not associated with the college. Luckily for me, my ID allowed me to enter.
Normally one does not need an ID to walk through the Columbia campus. Of course, normally Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmandinejad is not scheduled to speak on campus. While the auditorium where he was speaking was closed to anyone who had not registered to attend, I learned that there were several locations on campus where one could watch the live video feed. So several of my co-workers and I decided to go watch the speech.
There is no point for me to write about what was said. The media has already provided what they believe to be the most essential sound bites. In fact, I'm hesitant to comment on the speech and "debate" at all. When you have something that is as controversial such as this, or more importantly personal, how can you comment without offending someone?
I had a friend who planned to protest this speech. As someone of the Jewish faith, it was offensive to him to allow Ahmandinejad a platform for questioning the Holocaust and suggesting "wiping Israel off the map." So what would he say about the fact that I attended the speech (even if I didn't technically attend)? Could even my actions be misconstrued as condoning Ahmandinejad's opinions and beliefs?
I take my chance with just a few reactions to the entire event:

• Columbia University President Lee Bollinger's comments were shocking at times. It seemed as if he was trying to justify his decision and respond to the controversy. It seemed inappropriate to open the forum with the hostility he created. He seemed to suggest that it was his duty to confront Ahmandinejad's "evil" on behalf of the University and even the United States.
  
• The first part of Ahmandinejad's speech was boring. He kept quoting scriptures and referring to religion and science and knowledge. It didn't make much sense.
  
• The speech got interesting when he acknowledged Bollinger's opening remarks. He seemed to get the purpose of this forum. Why didn't Bollinger? How can you find truth when you simply accuse not question? Where was diplomacy?
  
• There were a few times when the auditorium where I was sitting laughed at the remarks made by Ahmandinejad. If you read or watched the news, you know what they are. But my focus wasn't on what he was saying as much as why he was saying it. Again, I'm not saying I agree with him, but shouldn't we be asking the why? The same was true with Bollinger's opening remarks. I know what he said, but for me it is more important to know why.
• I guess in the end I was both impressed and distressed by President Bollinger's opening remarks. To outright challenge the political stances of the Iranian President to his face is pretty gutsy. However, to call a world leader names during the forum is just rude.
• To be truthful, I felt the same about President Ahmandinejad. I was impressed with his demeanor in spite of the very un-welcoming introduction. However, he seemed to evade some of the important questions about reports of human rights violations in Iran, his call for more research and documentation of the Holocaust, and his stance on Israel. But the man had a point- where is the free speech when you are told to give a yes or no answer?
• Finally, I have to wonder- how much was lost in translation?
  

cam confession #16

I dress to impress.

I like the weekends. Figuring out what to wear is easy. When I'm chilling at home, I wear sweatpants or if I'm feeling really lazy I just lounge in my pajamas. When I go out, I usually wear jeans or a mini-skirt with a cute top. If I'm really in the mood to be flirty, I'll wear a cute dress.
When it comes to figuring out what to wear to work, I usually struggle. Maybe it's because I'm still wishing I was in bed rather than thinking about getting ready for work. Or maybe it's because I'd prefer not to care. I'll be honest, there are certain factors that influence my outfit choice for a workday.
Do I have a scheduled meeting with the "big boss" or other important people? If so, I am sure to wear something professional.
Otherwise I simply ask myself "does this need to be ironed?" Or "does this match?"
Actually, that's not true. I actually strive to look put together. I've actually developed a fairly good reputation at work for dressing well. I guess this means people have noticed my efforts.
Unfortunately, this creates too much pressure. For example, last Sunday night I set out an outfit that I thought would be stylish and professional. On Monday morning I discovered that the skirt and shirt combo wasn't working. In desperation, I pulled out a different skirt. I still wasn't satisfied with the look, but unfortunately I was out of time.
I spent the rest of my week carefully choosing outfits that were stylish and professional in an effort to overcome Monday's disaster.
I love Fridays. It's essentially my weekend wear: jeans and a cute top. Oh, and my cowboy boots. They make me sassy.

everybody move to the back of the bus

When I moved to my new apartment, my commute to work changed. When I lived in my old apartment, I walked to work through a park, uphill. Nearly everyday I climbed those stairs. From my apartment door to the office door, it took me just under 20 minutes. The only time I didn't walk was on days when it was crazy raining or crazy snowing. Otherwise, I walked down the street to the park, up all those damn stairs, then down the hill 4 blocks to my office.
Though the commute to work is longer- 35 minutes from door to door, depending on the traffic- it is definitely easier. Each morning I walk down the stairs, out of my apartment. Some days I can see the bus at the stop. This usually makes me hurry down the stairs a little bit faster. I don't go to the bus stop I can see from the stair windows, but to the one on the next corner. If there is a group there, it is a fairly good sign. It means I haven't missed the bus. If I have missed the bus, I usually know it. I can see it pulling away from the curb.
Generally the people waiting for the bus with me have enough sense to form a queue. After all, it makes sense that if I'm the first one at the bus stop, then I should be the first one on the bus. This is not the case. I'm still shocked at the pushing and cutting that grown people do in order to be first on the bus. Okay, I want a seat on that bus as much as the next person, but I'm not going to forget my manners to get one. I can stand. And if it is a man engaging in this behavior, pushing some little old lady out if his way? Don't even get me started.
Sometimes the crowd waiting for the bus sign is very alarming. It means that the bus is running late. When it finally does arrive, there is a lot of pushing to make it on the bus. Not me. Not only do I hate when the bus is that crowded, but I've also learned there is another bus directly behind this one. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person at my bus stop who has learned this fact. So while that one guy shoves his way onto the already too crowded bus, I wait patiently for the one that I can see at the stop light.
Once on the bus, I usually just relax. If I've got a seat and a book, I read. Otherwise I just listen to my MP3 player like most of the other bus riders. It takes about 10 minutes to get from the east side over to the west. This includes a short drive through Central Park. I'm looking forward to this part of my commute now that the leaves are beginning to change.
When I get to Broadway, I have to transfer to the subway. This is my least favorite part of my commute. I hate walking down into the subway. I have to crowd with everyone else while avoiding the newsboys who are trying to thrust a paper into my hands. Inevitably the platform will be crowded with people waiting. If it isn't, I know that I've just missed the train. For some reason, the train always seems to take FOREVER. I begin to get really antsy after two express trains will come, dumping more people to wait for the local train along with me. It was especially awful during the summer when there was no airflow and a throng of people waiting on a limited space of platform. On those days, I would wonder why I even bothered doing my hair or make-up. I'd just be a sweaty mess by the time my commute was over.
Once I'm on the train, which sometimes is so crowded I can't even reach a bar to keep my balance, but it doesn't matter because I'm so sandwiched among my fellow train riders that I'm not going anywhere, I only have to go three stops. On days when the train part is either hot or crowded or both, I'm always EXTREMELY relieved to exit to the fresh air. It's sad when I'm able to cool off on the walk 4 blocks down to work.
I can't say I completely escaped a life filled with stairs. My commute back home is simply the opposite of my mornings. So I face walking up stairs at the end of my day. Maybe my commute isn't easier after all.

dreams: revelations about yourself?

A few nights ago, I had a dream that made me wonder if my subconscious was offering revelations of my true feelings and desires. (Commentary on the dream is italicized.)

It started the night before my sister's wedding. I was supposed to be at the rehearsal dinner, but I hadn't brought a dress to wear. This meant I was desperately searching through my sister's closet for something to wear. This is a very real possibility. My sister was pretty mad that I was running late and once again had to borrow something to wear from her. If that wasn't bad enough, the next night- the actual wedding- I couldn't find my bridesmaid dress. I think I'm worried about being her maid of honor. She's my sister and this is her wedding. It should be perfect. Unfortunately, I am not a wedding person. Am I going to be a good maid of honor?
Apparently, my sister's wedding prompted me to begin thinking about my own future. I realized that my younger sister was getting married. Maybe my time is running out to meet someone- so I decided I should get married.
I called an ex-boyfriend. After all, at one point we had been in love. We were compatible. I decided I would just marry him. He showed up, and we began making the wedding preparations. Given that I'm not a wedding person, there wasn't much to do. Then on the day of the wedding, I realized that I couldn't marry this person. I really did like him and we were compatible. That was the problem- it was all in the past. I am not still in love with this person, and I seriously doubt we'd have very much in common now. A few hours before the wedding, I realized that I was in love with someone else. I hadn't been honest about my feelings for this other guy, so I decided I had to tell him. I set out in search to find him. Once I did, I didn't exactly declare my love for him. Instead, I gave him a compatibility test to fill out. In the meantime, I canceled the wedding. After all, I wasn't in love with my ex-boyfriend.
I never found out the results of that compatibility test. I have a feeling I know what they would be. However, I didn't need to know if there was someone better to marry. The important thing was realizing that when I marry, I want it to be for love. But the compatibility test reveals that love isn't enough. I also want someone who is truly a good match for me. I want someone who meets the description of the previous post.

Maybe I'm totally over-analyzing this dream. But it was one of those dreams that seemed real at the time. It was a dream that has continued to make me think- about relationships, love, and marriage- all of which I know will happen in their own time.

my "type" of guy

For a while I've been telling myself and others that when it comes to men, I don't have a type. In the last two years I've dated a business school student, law student, magazine editor, fireman, coast guard officer, golfer, hockey instructor, and a loaf. I've dated tall guys and guys not much taller than myself. Some have had dark hair, others light. Some with thick hair, others with none. Blue eyes, hazel, or brown. You get my point. There has been a wide and varied range of the types of guys I've dated. So I've believed I have no type. I believed this was to my advantage. If I have no type, then every guy has the potential to be my type. This gives me a lot more options, right?

It's recently occurred to me that I do have a type. One that goes deeper than jobs or physical characteristics. I have developed a pattern of dating guys who are unavailable or inconvenient. There are a number of factors that my account for the reason these guys end up being unavailable or inconvenient- work schedule, living location, non-committal, immaturity, or simply bad-timing. All this seems to indicate that my type has been the wrong type.

Actually, the truth is that it's not my type that's wrong, just the guys I'm choosing. If I was really being honest with myself, I do have a type. One that is actually good for me. My type of guy I want to date is one who makes me laugh, but also thinks I'm funny. He's cute, but it's his personality that makes him really cute. I can feel completely comfortable with him when we're doing absolutely nothing at all. He can be serious and insightful, but also silly and carefree. He's close to his family, yet independent and adventurous. He appreciates me for me- in spite of (or because of) all my quirky traits.

I'm not saying that all or even any of the guys I recently dated have had the good qualities that are my type. So can I find a guy who is all of these things? Yes. The problem is that sometimes my good type of guy ends up being my wrong type, too- unavailable or inconvenient.
This is worse than dating the wrong guys. Trust me. It sucks.

on being a good friend...

Dr. Meredith Grey : "At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

Why is that when people tell us "I need space" we actually believe them? Is that being a good friend? It seems to me that good friends are the ones who do invade your personal space. They are the ones who simply sit with you when don't feel like talking. They are the ones who listen when you do. They are the ones who refuse to give up on you even when you feel like giving up on yourself. The truth is that I know I've chosen people in my life who I plan to stick close by. I have inevitably hurt these same people I care about at one time or another. But these are the people whose personal space I invade- either figuratively or literally.
I know this all from experience. I have had people in my life who have called me on my own bull. I have had people who have invaded my personal space ignoring my protests that "I'm fine" and "I just need some space." Good friends don't abandon you just because you give them an out.

I'm just saying...

Last Weekend: Guest in the City

Thursday
Last week my former roommate came to visit me. Even though we no longer live together, I still think of her as my roommate. So for this story, I will refer to her as my roommate. She arrived in NYC Thursday night, just in time for our ritual of wine, popcorn, and Grey's Anatomy. (I'm going to miss that ritual when the new season starts.)

Friday: Part I
I took off work on Friday to play hooky. After a slow start on Friday morning spent drinking coffee and watching Grey's Anatomy on DVD, we finally headed out of my apartment. We took the subway downtown to City Hall. The plan was simple- we were going to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. Nearly two years of being in the city and neither of us had walked the Brooklyn Bridge. When we still lived together, we would talk about going to do this New York activity. Then we'd decide to be lazy and just watch TV at home. So this time we made no excuses.
If you come to New York, I recommend walking the Brooklyn Bridge. Not only is it great exercise, it also provides some amazing views of the City skyline, the harbor, Statue of Liberty, and Brooklyn. Plus, when you get to Brooklyn, you can find some of the best pizza this city has to offer. (I still don't think it is the best. John's Pizza near Times Square remains the winner for me.) However, after the long walk over the bridge and the wait in the line for this pizza place, the pizza tasted pretty amazing.
Walking back across the Brooklyn Bridge to Manhattan made me feel a little better about all the pizza I just ate. And I had great views of the skyline the entire walk. By the time we were back to the subway, it was time to head back to my apartment to get ready for happy hour. There would be no Nacho's, but I needed my roommate to confirm a place I've found as the new Nacho's.

Friday- Part II
When we arrived at the new Nacho's, I knew it was going to be a good night. Standing at the bar was a group of NYC Firemen. I can't help. I love firemen. So I walked right up to the bar and asked if they minded if I stood there to order. If you've read my blog, you know where this is going. My roommate and I ended up chatting with these firemen, "New York's Hottest." It was a very good happy hour- frozen margaritas, cute bartenders, and hot firemen. After happy hour, we headed to the "gold coast"- a strip of bars on the upper west side that was given it's name by a friend who says you can always find a good time here. We arrived at the gold coast, bringing along one of the firemen. We ended up partying with my roommate's former work friends. Sadly the fireman had to leave to head back to Long Island. I gave him my number, but he never called. Oh well. His loss.

It was still a very fun Friday. It was filled with all of my favorite things: Grey's Anatomy, coffee, New York City moments, frozen margaritas, cheap beer, cute bartenders, hot fireman, good friends and fun times.