now and later

Lately I've been pretty focused on life in the present. Which is a good thing because I'm taking time to enjoy life as it happens. However, I've been avoiding the future and all that I must do to prepare for upcoming changes in my life.
Since the time I was accepted to my very prestigious graduate school, I have avoided the reality that I am actually going to be moving. I've even deliberately downplayed the fact that I am going to grad school this fall. I don't want to deal with all the details I must take care of before moving in September. But even more so, I don't want to think about leaving the people that I've developed significant relationships with. I don't want to consider the impact that my move could have on these relationships. And so I focus on the now.
But what about the later? It is already beginning to create stress and sadness and disappointment. I must move out of my apartment in two weeks. As I've begun the process of packing, it overwhelms me. Where the hell am I going to put all this stuff? I certainly can't take it with me. And then, I begin to wonder what will I take with me and how am I going to get it there? Then I am asked if I am applying for scholarships and do I have housing yet? Um, no. But thanks for reminding me of yet another thing I need to do. These are details that I am desperately trying not to stress me out. With all the health problems I've had due to anxiety, I certainly don't need to be worrying.
And then there are the things I can't control. Friendships and relationships that exist now, but might slowly disappear in the later. People who are afraid of the unknown and the long distance. Those who discourage me from thinking about the later. And as a result, I am losing some of the excitement I had March 2, 2005 when I was accepted to my dream grad school program.
I hope to enjoy the now to the fullest. But the time has come for me to begin realistically considering the later. To acknowledge that I don't know. I don't know where I will live, how I will pay for school, or what will happen in my relationships. But the later is fast approaching, and this apartment isn't going to pack itself.