the end of the world

While I was opening Christmas presents, tragedy struck on the other side of the world. When I first heard the news of the tsunami in Asia, I didn't believe it. My sister's boyfriend told her on the phone. I thought he was exaggerating the details. I told my sister that such an event must be a sign of the end of the world.
But then I saw the newspaper on Monday morning and it was horrible.
And now I'm back online and I've had time to read all the news and see all the pictures. Which has really sunk me into a state of depression and grief. I've been to many of the places in Thailand that have been damaged or destroyed. It seems so unreal.
For so many, it may truly seem like the end. So much loss.

Winter Wonderland

Yesterday I sat outside wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt as I waited for my car to be washed and waxed. And I wasn't even cold. Then this morning I woke up to find it snowing. I'm not sure what bothered me more- the sudden change of weather or the fact that my car's shininess was covered with snow. But the snow makes me smile. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I live in a place where we don't get snow often. Or maybe because it makes it seem more like Christmas.
I just hope I can find the receipt for my carwash. It had a 48 hour clean car guarantee. My poor car wasn't even shiny 24 hours...

vacation worries

I don't have to work tomorrow. And this should make me happy. Though it annoys my friends when I say it. If I don't have to work tomorrow, or for two weeks, then why am I so stressed? Oh, that's right, cam's confession #1, I worry too much.
Christmas is less than a week away. And I've bought one Christmas present. I already get stressed about buying Christmas presents because I want to find the 'perfect' gift that reflects that I've put real thought into getting a gift the receiver will enjoy. And now I've got the added stress of finding perfect gifts in less than one week.
The worst part is that I've waited too long to order gifts online. This means I'm going to have to go to the mall. I don't like malls in general. In Thailand there was a mall that was 7 stories. Escalators were all over carting masses of people higher and higher. As I desperately tried to make my way to the nearest exit, I told my friend that if I go to hell it will be exactly like that mall. But maybe I was wrong. Tomorrow I have to go to a mall to find the perfect gifts for my friends and my family- during the Christmas season. I'd like to believe it won't be that bad since it is a Tuesday, but I'd be fooling myself.
Yes, I am stressed. And worried I will find myself once again in mall hell.

letting go

It is weird the way someone can have such an impact on your life, then no longer be in your life. It is even weirder when that person comes back and you don't even care. This makes me a little bit sad.
The hardest thing I've had to accept is that some relationships are not meant to last forever. They are only meant for a specific time. Then you must let go. I'm not good at the letting go. Especially if I still care.

Four and a half days

I just have to make it to Friday. Then I can close my eyes and sleep.

cam confession #3

I often make statements that I believe to be true, then realize I have no idea where I learned the information or if it is actually factual.
However, I am willing to either 1. change my statment if someone convinces me that I am wrong or 2. research to make sure I am right.
I recently had a discussion about hugs. I have no idea how it even came up. But I was told that we need 10 hugs a day. And so I accepted it as truth and proceeded to share the statement with others. Then I wondered if this is in fact a true statement. So I did some hug research last night and this morning.
Did you know there is Hugs for Health Foundation? They sponsor National Hug Week in May. According to their website, we need:
4 hugs for survival
8 hugs for maintenance
12 hugs for growth
That's a lot of hugs. This gives me hope. Perhaps the hugs I get from my students will offset the stress of my job that seems to be killing me.

moments

There are moments when something causes a surge of happiness that takes me by surprise and makes me smile. Then the moment is gone.
Until I check my mailbox and find a postcard from Costa Rica with a picture of an orange and a yellow frog- mating. Then I just laugh. Outloud. In public.

I don't have a dream...

I need a dream. Not the kind like I had this summer. I had a recurring dream- nightmare, really- where I would be standing in front of a room full of students, screaming at them to be quiet. That dream has become a reality. This is not the kind of dream I am talking about.
I was once asked to think of one word that would best describe me. My answer was 'dreamer'. In fact, I thought if I were to ever get a tatoo, it just might be that word. My outlook on life has always been on the idealistic side. But I feel this has not been the case lately. And so, I need a dream. What will I pursue? Who will I become? Where will I go next?