quitter's remorse

I quit my job on Wednesday.
There wasn't a dramatic scene where I finally just say, "I quit" then storm out leaving the door to slam shut signalling my final departure. Trust met, if I had quit on Saturday that scene might have been real. But I try to be sensible, not reacting in the furor of the moment.
I've hated my job for a while. Correction- I mostly disliked the disorganization of my job caused by an ineffective boss. As a math tutor working with at-risk kids, the job was rewarding. I loved that aspect. I even liked the math sessions we conducted on Saturdays, though I didn't so much like waking up for work at 9am. Especially if I had been out having too much fun the night before...
I've been frustrated by the inefficiency of the program for quite some time. Perhaps I should have been forewarned of the inefficiency of this program from the beginning. I began working in September. I signed a contract in October. It was returned two weeks later, finally signed by my boss and with an addendum attached. After I had already signed it. Unprofessional? Yes. Illegal? Possibly.
Like the contract, I would be told one thing, only to have it change. At first, I accepted that this was natural with any pilot program. Yet this trend persisted. My boss was always changing her mind, and if we ever questioned her, she told us that the new plan was always the one she intended to use. Meaning- No, you are wrong. Stop making me look bad.
Then the abuse began. Abuse of our time. She began adding additional tasks, requesting us to arrive early on Saturdays, and holding us late. When I questioned her during a meeting about her requiring time and tasks outside the scope of our contracts, I received an email reprimanding me about the "appropriate venue of raising concern" and suggesting I might be too busy to continue as a tutor. We then tried unsuccessfully to schedule a meeting to discuss my concerns. It never happened. I began to look for a new job.
The problem was that in spite of how much I disliked aspects of my job, it paid well for a part-time job. When I finally got paid, that is. We weren't paid hourly, but instead received tuition credits. Being at a very fancy grad school, tuition credits add up quickly. My tuition credits were finally applied to my account just before Thanksgiving. I had been working since September. However, once I did get the check, it nearly seemed worth all the hell I had endured first semester. In addition to the tuition credits, I also got off easily for all school holidays- mine and the kids I tutored. It should have been a great job.
I did not find another job. I was told it was due to my availability. Whatever. In the end, I reapplied for the job I was starting to hate. Yes, I had to reapply for it. I reapplied because I was told I would have the option of working Monday-Friday only, no Saturdays. This was the only reason I decided to go back. I realized the Saturdays had become the part I hated most because that was when I had to endure my boss the most. One week back and everything changed. The new option disappeared. We would use the old format- 3 days in the school and Saturdays. I began going to our new school. Meeting the new kids I would tutor. The kids were great. Things seemed to be more organized. I thought that maybe things would be better this semester.
Then it came our first Saturday session. Friday afternoon at 3pm, I received an email that said: Saturday Session- Meet at 8am! This was a full hour earlier than we were supposed to start work. I was already in a resentful mood when I arrived at 8am Saturday morning after a late Friday night. Then I grew more irritable when I realized we were not there to plan anything for the Saturday session as the email led me to believe. Instead we analyzed a test we had already analyzed 2 days that very week. The time with the kids was great as usual. Then I heard a rumor that we would be staying until 2pm. This was a full hour later than we usually ended. By that point, I was ready to walk out. I had no contract protecting me from this time abuse. We had not been given anything outlining new work hours. This was unacceptable. I went straight home and searched for new jobs.
I tried to set up an appointment with my boss to voice my frustrations and concerns. She was unavailable until later in the week. Which meant in the meantime, I would have to continue working, knowing that if I quit I would not be compensated for any of the time I had already given. I was asked to email my thoughts. It was a full page, single spaced. She emailed back and told me she would like to meet at our main campus between 4-5 on Wednesday. I told her I could meet during that time, just let me know where to go.
No email back. Nothing to confirm or tell me where to go. I checked in the early morning, after tutoring, again at 1:25 before my class, and again at 4:00 after my class. By 4:30 I was shaking I was so mad. I couldn't believe she hadn't even bothered to email me anything. Then I started having chest pains. The anxiety of this job situation was causing me chest pains. I knew I would have no choice, but quit. I sent her an email to find out where she was. At 5:15, I got an email back saying she had been waiting for me over at her office (10 blocks away from campus). She had asked someone else to email me the location change- at 2:00pm. Only 2 hours before our meeting time. That was the last straw. I waited until I calmed down, then I composed an email in which I would quit. Then I walked away from the computer, knowing that once it was sent, I couldn't take it back. At 10:53pm, I quit my job.
I've been anxious ever since. Will I find another job that will allow me as much flexibilty around school holidays as this one? After all, I've got lots of people with plans to visit. What if a new job won't allow me time off to spend with them?
Then there is my boss who continues to cause anxiety. She sent an email back. This is it:
Since you are now free in the mornings, let's meet one morning so that I can hear you in person, and also help you understand some of the issues that have caused you concern.
I'll let you decide how you choose to read this email. But in my opinion she seems to be saying, "clearly you don't know how to understand your own concerns, so let me help you." We are supposed to meet Monday at 10am. Then I hope to be free of anxiety.
But I still can't help but wonder, did I quit too soon? Should I have tried to work things out first? Will I find a job that will pay as well and give me holidays off? This is why I suffer from quitter's remorse.

This post did not come back on its own. It was sent to me from someone who cares and believes what I blog is worth emailing to others.