my thoughts, but not my words

I often feel like I've got song lyrics constantly running through my mind. It is weird when they sometimes start to overlap, almost forming a story. Lyrics from different songs, from many artists, of various genres. Sometimes a line from a song will start playing over and over again, and I'm not sure who sings it or what song or album it is from. I'll begin obsessing over the task of finding the song.
One morning a while back I woke up thinking these lyrics:
"If you walk away, I’ll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don’t want to risk our paths crossing some day
So you walk that way, I’ll walk this way...
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away."*
It only took me two tries to find the CD that had the song with these lyrics. That search was easy enough.
But more recently I've been searching for a song. After reading the lyrics on a blog, I began looking for the CD with the song with these lyrics. Unfortunately I hadn't paid attention to the song title or album title, making my search much more difficult. These are the lyrics to the song of my search:
"Our love is dead but without limit, like the surface of the moon or the land between here and the mountains. It is not these hiding places that have keep us innocent but the way you taught me to just let it all go by. So we have learned to be as faithless, stand behind the bulletproof glass, exchanging our affections through a drawer. It was always horribly convenient and happening too fast. You should count your change before you are even out the door.
Yes, you should but please...
Return, return to the person that you were. And I will do the same because it is too hard to belong to someone who is gone. My compass spins. The wilderness remains.
Once too often, I have retreated into the depths of my despair. I built a barricade to block you on the road. But standing there with all of my possessions, piled higher than a house, I felt closer to you than you ever could have known.
So let these tiny acts of charity become common ground of which to build a monument to commemorate our time. And though, you say, you've found another who will surely speed you on your way, don't let the forest grow over that you came there by. But you will, so...
Hurry up and run to the one that you love. And blind him with your kindness.
And he will make war, old war, on who you were before. And he'll claim all that has spoiled your heart.
Well, now, I tell myself I've mended under these patches of blue sky. There are still a few holes that let in a little rain. So it is crying on my shingles. My floorboards moan under my feet. The refrigerator is whining, so I've got reason to complain. But I am not gonna bless you with such compliments, some degrading psalm of praise, like the kind that converted you to me so long ago.
Because the truth is that gossip is as good as gospel in this town. You can save face but you won't ever save your soul. And that's a fact.
Hurry up and run to the one that you love. And tie him in you likeness, And he'll become, become the prisoner I was. And know all that has spoiled your heart."**
Thanks to Dale, I finally got a copy of the CD with this song. (And I also got two other CDs in the process which was a bonus). It is weird the way sometimes a song can seem to express exactly what I am thinking. Whether it be one line or the whole song. Whether it be just for that moment or for much longer.
A year ago, I had my first serious relationship in several years. I was pretty reluctant about the whole thing for various reasons. But in the end, it was song lyrics that convinced me to give in. Music was an important aspect of the relationship. I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to find closure. But hopefully, I'm there. In spite of all the sadness, hurt and confusion I've felt "cleaning up the mess he made" (John Mayer, "Daughters"), I don't regret it. And so I end with the words of Alanis Morissette, "That Particular Time":
at that particular time i knew not to run away again
that particular month i was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time...
i've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
and yet i wanted to save us high water or hell
and i kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
in the meantime i lost myself
i'm sorry i lost myself... i am


*"Landlocked Blues" by Bright Eyes
** "Make War" by Bright Eyes