homesick

"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone... Just sorta happens one day, and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like a rite of passage, you know? You won't ever have that feeling until you create a new idea of home for yourself. You know, for your kids. For the family you start." --Garden State
I'm moving back to my parents' house. I took a break from packing tonight to watch some of Garden State. And I could easily relate to this idea of home. The bedroom at my parents' house hasn't felt like mine in a very long time. I stayed there when I was home from college during school breaks. And I temporarily lived there when I first moved back from Thailand. But over the years, it has slowly evolved from being my bedroom to becoming a guestroom/storage space. My parents' house has ceased to feel like home to me. And even though I haven't yet started a family, I have created a new idea of home for myself. In the past two years, my apartment has become my home. I've created memories here- both good and bad, happy and sad. And now I'm boxing it all up. I'm going to live as a guest in a bedroom that was once mine. And I'm not really sure when I will really have a home again.
I will miss cooking dinner for my friends, watching movies on my red couch, sleeping in my queen-sized bed, drinking wine on the patio, typing at my computer, hosting late-night slumbers, etc. I'm already homesick for this place that I've called home for two years.