one day at a time

I had hoped to have my girlfriends to get me through this break up. Yet, the weekend is here and I have no plans. I can't help but wonder how it is that I have no one. Two of my best friends I met here in the city have since moved away. Other friends just happen to be out of town. And others I guess just don't realize how much I needed them. I guess I shouldn't expect people just to adjust their lives just because my life feels like it fell apart.
This isn't to say I don't have good friends. Many of them, despite the physical distance, have been supportive. They're available to chat on the phone. They offer a sympathetic ear and give me validation that I deserve more.
But it's hard being alone when I normally would have been with him. I want to be with people who will distract me from my loneliness. Last night I went out with some of my guy friends. It was a good distraction. But while they ask me if I want to talk about the break-up, it's clear they're pretty uncomfortable when I start to share my feelings. It's also weird when it seems they might be flirting with me. I just broke up with my boyfriend.
And so I am just trying to survive this break up one day at a time. The best that I can.

disappointment

I do not remember writing that last post over a year ago. I logged in to this nearly forgotten blog as a place to write about my latest heartache. Ironically, to lament the end of the relationship with the person who last March showed much potential.
I've had my share of heartbreaks and disappointments over the years. However, this is the first time where I was the one to end the relationship. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do. I truly loved him and could see my future with him. But that's the problem. He just wasn't ready to include me in his future. We were a good match. I think we were good together. It would have been the perfect relationship if I was 10 years younger and content just living in the present. But I couldn't settle for what he wasn't willing to give me. So while breaking up with him and causing my own heartache was one of the hardest things I've done, it was also the bravest.
So another disappointing end to a relationship that held so much promise. I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss "us."