closure

Whenever I hear this buzz word, I imagine some therapist telling me I need to find closure before I can move on in my life. But it is something I've discovered I do need in order to let go. I always thought closure meant I needed to do something so that I could walk away. But recently I learned this isn't necessarily the case.
Letting go is difficult for me. If a person has played a significant role in my life, I can't easily walk away from the relationship. Even if it no longer exists. In college, I had several roommates. But there was one I lived with my entire time there. We shared the small dorm room together, an apartment bedroom, and my last year we were across the hall and shared a bathroom. We learned to work through differences and accept each other's faults. We disagreed at times, but overall we got along well. My memories of that experience are positive. We had a lot of fun together. We went through life decisions and changes and heartaches together.
Then at some point everything changed. Our friendship seemed tense. The close bond we had dissolved. And when I graduated, there was no good-bye. Since that time, I've wondered what happened to the friendship. I've tried contacting her over the years. I've asked if there was something specific that caused the breakdown of our friendship. But I've never gotten an answer.
This past fall I learned that my former roommate lives 5 minutes from where I work. It is weird knowing she is so close, but having no contact with her. A mutual friend keeps me informed of the things taking place in my roommate's life. I wish I knew her married name. Or that I could congratulate her on the birth of her twins. Or ask how her studies in grad school are going.
This past Saturday I went to a bar with two of my best friends. We were going for the birthday of a girl I knew from college. I knew there was a chance my roommate would be there since she is good friends with the birthday girl. And so I saw her for the first time in 4 1/2 years. It was so awkward. It felt like I was talking to a stranger. The tension still seemed to be there. I asked her questions with genuine interest, but the responses seemed reluctantly given.
But now I have closure. I didn't have to have say good-bye. I didn't need to discuss the past. I didn't ask why our friendship ended. I just needed to see her. I know that she was an important part of my life then. But not now. That night I left with the people who are important to me for this part of my life.